Confession
by alwaysmeanslove
Summary: A short story - three shot - based on the episode 4x01 "Rise"
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: First of all, thanks for all the favs, follows and reviews on my previous story. Writing in English is a little bit hard for me, but I will try my best to fix the spelling.**  
**Anyway, here is another short story from me, hope you guys will enjoy it! :)**  
**Oh, and of course I d****on't own anything, I'm just a fangirl, writing in her free time!**

_Stay with me Kate! Stay with me! Please! Stay with me, okay? Kate! I love you! I love you Kate!_

Then everything blacked out. Silence. Darkness. Foreign voices shouting her name in despair. Then silence again. And still darkness. She was trying to move, to yell, but she couldn't. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were too heavy to lift.

She heard voices, echoing from afar.

She was trying to move again, but her body felt too heavy. She was able to squeeze her hand and twitch her fingers though. At least something.

The noises got louder and clearer as she slowly drifted back into consciousness. Seemed like people were talking close to her, but she couldn't tell who these voices belonged to. She didn't recognize any of them.

She tried to lift her eyelids again and this time she managed to open her eyes for a brief moment, but the lights were too strong, she was unable to keep them open. What did she see during that split second? She was in some kind of a white room, with machines all around. Beeping machines to be correct. _What the hell?_ She tought. She even mumbled something loud, and her own weak voice caught her by suprise. Her mouth was dry, she had to swallow. Why did it hurt that much when she swallowed?

She heard footsteps. Someone was approaching. He grabbed her hand. "Castle!" She tried to shout, but instead it was just a nonesense mumble talk. She suddenly remembered going with him to the cemetery only a few minutes ago. Or was it hours ago? She wasn't sure anymore. Everything was happening too fast and slow at the same time. Why were they in the cemetery at the first place? She couldn't recall anything. The grip on her hand loosened and now she felt his hands gently caressing her face, asking her to wake up. Her brow furrowed at the sound of his voice, and her eyes were slowly peeling open. She was looking straight into his eyes, but wait...it wasn't him. The man standing in front of her, talking to her, caressing her, wasn't Castle! Who the hell was he?

**A/N: Thanks for reading. I will post the next chapter in a few days. What do you think so far? Let me know! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey, Miss Beckett! I'm glad you are awake!" The stranger greetened her with a big smile on his face.

"Where is Castle..." Her voice was weak, hoarse, more like a whisper than a question.

"How do you feel Miss Beckett? Do you feel any pain?" Asked the man, ignoring her question. He was wearing a white overcoat and he was older, way more older than Castle.

"Where is he? Where is Castle?" She repeated her question instead of replying to the man, who she guessed was a doctor.

"Is he okay?"

"Don't worry Miss Beckett, he is fine!" The doctor reassured her even though he didn't know who Castle was. He had an idea though, he was probably that man who almost had a breakdown during her surgery, pacing nervous cirles around the waiting room. The man, who demanded to stay even if they told him to go. Since he didn't want to leave on his own, they had to escort him out.

"Then where is he?" She repeated her question one more time, demanding, her voice not so weak anymore.

"He had to go home, only the closest family members are allowed to stay here after a surgery!" Explained the doctor with a stern voice.

"Surgery?" She cut back without hesitation.

"Yes, you had a heart a surgery Miss Beckett...but don't worry, everything will be fine!" His voice was calm, too calm. It only made her nervous. A heart surgery? What the hell? Why did she need that? She didn't have any serious illness, at least she didn't remember anything like that. She was trying to recall what could happen, but nothing had came to her mind. Oh wait!...She suddenly remembered herself standing on a podium at captain Montgomery's funeral. She was...at the middle of her speech, when...gunshot!...There was a gunshot, she remembered that clearly now, but then...nothing. She couldn't recall anything more. Everything else was blurry and confusing.

She wanted to move, to sit up in her bed, but as soon as she tried to lift her head, a stabbing pain hit her chest.

_Beckett is down! Beckett is down!_ Foreign voices echoed in her mind, people yelling, screaming, shouting her name in despair.

"Noo!" She blurted out when the sudden realization hit her.

"No! It can't be happening! Not to me! Oh, God... please nooo!" She bursted out in tears. The pain in her chest was growing as she sucked in a deep breath, but she didn't care.

"You need to calm down Miss Beckett! You need to relax! Everything will be fine!"

The doctor was trying to calm her down, but she ignored his reassuring comments. He wasn't the one lying here with a throbbing bullet hole in her chest, he couldn't understand...he wasn't...oh, God! What happens now? She wanted nothing else just to be gone and not to feel anything. Why the hell did she even wake up at the first place?

Her chest was throbbing more and more by each second, by each breath she took, tears falling so hard from her eyes, blurrying her vision.

"Shhh!" The doctor kept talking to her even though she didn't pay any attention to him. She was lost in her own broken world. Her life fell apart within seconds and yeah, she definitely won't stop crying just because he told her to! Her breath was getting heavier, causing an unbearable pain spreading in her entire body. She felt like the excruciating pain will rip her scars up, tear her whole body apart. Her broken heart was heavily punding against her sore chest, but she didn't care. She was just crying and whimpering even harder, unable to control herself.

The beep on the monitors fastened.

And what if her damage heart can't take it anymore? She didn't care.

She sucked in a deep breath instead. At least she wanted to, but she couldn't. Her body was too exhausted, her lungs too sore. She felt like the burning pain will slowly take over her whole being.

She couldn't take it anymore.

She had to slow down. Had to stop crying. She carefully took a short breath, trying to refill her aching lungs with air again. _Thank God it helped!_ She mumbled in relief.

Then she wiped the slowly drying tears away from her face with her right hand. Her left side was hurting too much to even move. She blinked once or twice and her vision was clear again, her breathing and heartbeat almost steady, but the unbearable pain between her breasts and under her ribs didn't ease.

"Your dad is here by the way!" Said the doctor after she gathered herself and was able to focus again.

"He is outside in the waiting room. Would you like to see him?" He asked, still caressing her face. His voice was gentle and calming. It made her relax at a little bit.

"Mhm..." she nodded, still sobbing. She wanted to say yes, but she was too tired to even speak. Since when did crying become that exhausting? Her eyes almost fell shut, but she tried to keep them open, she wanted to have at least a brief conversation with his dad. She wanted to see him as much as she wanted to see Castle. If only he would be here too! Everything would be easier.

_  
**A/N: And again, thanks for reading, faving, following, reviewing. :) The last chapter will be posted in a few days!**


	3. Chapter 3

On the next day she woke up less sore. The pain was much more bearable thanks to the bunch of painkillers she got. There was only one problem with them. The pills made her sleep, and she didn't want to sleep. She didn't need all the nightmares.

All the events from last night slowly started to make sense, but her mind was still a mess, trying to process everything.

Kate was sitting in a hospital bed, observing the beautiful view of New York city through the big window nearby to her bed. It was an early afternoon, the sun was already above the horizon, high enough to shine through the highest skyline in Manhattan, filling the room with lights. The sky was clear, adorned with only a few puffy couds. The weather was nice, even though she wasn't able to go outside, it was warm enough inside of the hospital as well. She was wearing a short sleeved, light blue night shirt which was a little bit oversized, but that's what her dad could find when he packed her stuffs in a big hurry yesterday. At least it was comfortable, filled with the familiar scent of her home. If only she could go home right now! She sighed. If only she could be out there, chasing suspects! The warm, early summer sunlight was so tempting, but oh well... unfortunately she was stucked in here.

Kate was alone in her hospital room, thank God she didn't have to share it with any other patients. She enjoyed being in peace and quiet, but at the same time she started to get bored of it.

According to the doctors she was feeling well enough to have visitors, and it was past 3pm already, which means Castle could be here in any minute.

Castle. The man, who was ready to...- Speaking of him the door slowly swings open, interrupting her thoughts and oh, there he is.

"Hey, Castle!" She greetened him as soon as he got in sight of her, entering the hospital room, holding a bouquet of fresh flowers in his hand. Her voice was weak, tired, hoarse, her sleep tangled, messy hair curling around her shoulders and oh, those beautiful hazel green eyes were glimmering, just like always. By the look on her face she couldn't even deny how happy she was to see him again!

"Hey!" He replied with a little smile tugging up on his face.

"You are staring at me, I must look really bad!" She buried her hand into her face, trying to hide her broken state. Oh God, he shouldn't see her like this. It's embarassing.

"No, I just never thought i'd see you again!" His soft voice quickly brought her eyes back to him, and for a second their gazes met.

"I heard you are opening a flower store, so i thought i'd pitch in." He stated with his usual teasing voice, putting the flowers on the small table close to her bed. After carefully putting the flowers into the vase, placing them between the bunch of other flowers, he pulled the small plastic chair next to her bedside. He wanted to sit as close to her as possible. Words couldn't describe how much he missed her even though they were aparted for only a day.

"I heard that you tried to save me..." She began, breaking the silence. It sounded more like a question than a statement.

"Yeah, yeah...you heard?" His eyes quickly flickered up to meet hers, sudden curiousity... or was it concern filling his voice?

"You don't remember me..." He took a short pause to collect himself, not being sure where this conversation leads. "...tackling you?" He got out eventually.

"I..uhm..." She quickly lowered her gaze to avoid his sky blue eyes. She was getting nervous. Butterflies dancing in her stomach, her heart beat fastening, the throbbing pain in her chest growing, her hands getting all sweaty.

_Stay with me Kate! ... I love you! I love you Kate!_

His desperate confession kept echoing with unwanted thoughts in her mind, trying to form an answer to his question.

_No, I don't remember much of anything._

Would be the easiest thing to reply. To say that some things are better not being remembered.

It would give her enough time to sort out her feelings, to make piece with everything, and when the time comes, she would be ready to dive into it. But no. She couldn't do it. She couldn't lie. Not to him. Not when he was looking at her with those puppy eyes, melting her heart, and filling her body with warmth.

"I remember..." Her mouth went dry as she began, her heart pounded, loud in her ears.

"I remember everything!" She let out after a hard swallow. To her surprise, she felt relieved after the confession slipped past her lips, like a huge burden was lifted off her shoulders.

"Everything?" He asked back without hesitation, his voice worried and soft, almost a whisper. Does it mean she heard when...

"Yeah, everything." Kate nodded shyly, her eyes fixed on the tiny bedspread covering her body up til her waist. "At first it was blurry, my mind was confused, but my dad helped me to put the pieces together, he helped me to remember when he was here yesterday." Her voice was shaky as she tried to explain, still avoiding his gaze.

"But...I'm...I'm not ready..." She continued, her lips quivering. "I'm not ready yet Castle!" For a split second she lifter her gaze up, only to look into his sparkling blues, then her gaze quickly slid away again.

"I'm sorry..." A trembling sigh made it's way past her lips, trying so hard to hold her tears back.

"Hey, it's okay!" His reassuring, gentle voice could always make her feel comfortable, but not this time.

"No, it's not okay!" She shook her head dismissively, ignoring the fact that he is probably right. "I'm such a disappointment, not good enough anymore!" She bursted out, and now there she was. Broken in front of him, unshed tears welling up in her eyes.

"Kate!" She used her first name to get her focus back. No one else could pronounce those four letters as gently as he could, which made her insides flutter every time.

"It's okay, we can wait! I know so many things had happened, too much to deal with! I'm not asking you to rush anything, just..." He took a short pause to look into her hazel green eyes. "Just don't shut me out!" He pleaded.

She nodded after a brief moment, brushing the half drained tears away from her face and neck.

"But Castle..." She began, sniffling. "I'm not beautiful! Not anymore!" She broke again as the words made it past her lips. Tears were rolling from her eyes, more than ever before and God, he shouldn't see her like this! If only she could disappear!

"My body is full of scars... and..-" She sucked in a breath after each word as she continued, unable to form a complete sentence due to her trembling voice and intense sobbing. No matter how hard she tried to wipe the tears away from her eyes, they kept falling anyway.

"It's just one scar, Kate!" He argued softly. "It will heal! You will heal!" He added, trying to calm her down by grabbing her hand and squeezing his fingers with hers.

"No, it's not just one!" She said firmly, interrupting him mid sentence, pulling her hand away from his.

"I have two scars" She continued, still sobbing. "The entry wound where the bullet hit me, and the inicision scar where the doctors had to cut in order to get the bullet out!" She sniffled with a heavy sigh, her eyes red and swollen.

"Kate!" His reassuring voice brought her eyes up. "No matter how many scars you have, you are still beautiful!" He stated, making her insides fluttler.

"Do you think you are the only one? Living like this?" He questioned in a raised tone as his unshed feelings broke the surface. He wasn't accusing, no he just had to get this out. He was holding back his emotions for too long.

"I'm sure you aren't!..." He continued with his usual husky voice. "...and even if you would be the one and only damaged person in the world..." He took a short pause to collect himself, still holding her gaze.

"You would be still the most maddening, challenging, frustrating person I have ever met... and Kate, I..." He suddenly paused. It would be too early to confess it again. No, not yet. She needs time. She needs to heal at first.

"...and I accept you Kate!" He stated instead. "I accept your body the way it is! No matter how you look like, you are still beautiful in my eyes! You always were and you always will be, nothing will ever change that!"

Was she vulnerable? Yes. Fragile like a porcelan, but it was still her. And he couldn't wait to explore every inch of her damaged body.

His confession made her heart to skip a beat, the salty tears slowly drying up on her wet, slightly red cheeks. Her hazels were locked with his blues and the intensity of his eyes made her whole body shiver.

He lifted his right hand, slowly reaching out to her, touching the corner of her left breast, near to the spot where the bullet hit her and pierced her chest less than a day ago. He gently put his palm on it, trying to soothe the throbbing pain in her chest. Her scar was covered, but he could sense the rough skin underneath her clothes as his fingers were slowly moving around, massaging the sensitive spot between her breasts.

His sudden touch made her entire body tingling, and she couldn't stop the soft moan escaping her mouth. He pulled away immediately.

"Was it hurting? I'm sorry...I didn't mean to -"

"No, it's okay don't worry!" She cut him off without hesitation. "It's hurting all the time, and-" she took a brief moment to observe his worried features. "...And your touch actually felt good!" She admitted shyly after a hard swallow, her lips trying to form a little smile.

For a moment too long they were just staring into each other's eyes, her hazels locked into his blues. She squeezed her hand with his, only to guide his fingers back to the sore spot between her breasts. She wanted to feel his warmth again, but instead of massaging her scar like he did before, his fingers were slowly moving up to her neck, tracing every inch of her soft skin. He didn't stop until he reached her face, gently touching the thin skin on her cheek. To his surprise she didn't pull away. Shiver went up and down her spine and her heart beat fastened when his fingers traced the corner of her lower lip, caressing her chin with his thumb. By the look on his face he probably felt the same electricity spreading in his body too. Kate couldn't help but wonder how could a single touch made her feel so...how excatly?

She would want to extend her arms to embrace him, but her left side was hurting too much, she was unable to lift her left arm. Her right side was fine, so without thinking any further she lifted her right arm, placed it around his neck only to pull him closer to herself. Her act caught him by surprise, but he wasn't complaining at all. As in fact he leaned even closer as she had expected, so close that their noises almost touched and she could feel his warm breath on her bare skin. Being like this, face to face, skin to skin, she couldn't help but wonder what would happen if she would press her lips to his, what if their tongues would dance with each others like they never did before. Without thinking any further Kate leaned closer to him, even though they were already close enough, and she quickly covered his lips with hers. To her relief he kissed her back without hesitation. Their kisses were slow, but urgent at the same time. She didn't want to rush anything, she wanted to taste every inch of his mouth, but at the same time she was eager to explore his insides as fast as possible, her tongue hungrily dancing and tangling with his. He tasted like coffee, he probably had drunk lots of it to keep himself calm and awake during the long night while she was in surgery, fighting for her life. She couldn't blame him though, she would do the same for him. He also tasted like ...she couldn't really define what it was, probably just... simply him, and she couldn't get enough of it. Her scars were pulling and hurting, protesting against her sitting position. As much as she had enjoyed kissing him, gasping into his mouth, she had to pull away.

"I'm sorry!" She hissed in pain, her body stiffened. "My inicision scar is pulling so hard, I can't even..." She sucked in a painful breath, whimpering, unable to form any more words.

She pressed her palm onto her scar, her fingers gently caressing the stitches at her side, the sore, pulling spot under her left breast.

"You need to rest Kate! Let me help you!" He offered, gathering himself after the kiss, worry and concern flooding his gaze. Did they really kissed? He couldn't even believe it!

"No, I don't need help!" She replied with a heavy sigh.

"It will pass, I just a need a second!" She winced.

Her entire body was aching after sitting too long in one position.

She in- and exhaled slowly, trying to take deep breaths as her burning lungs allowed. When the pain had eased under her ribs, she slowly tried to move around, to lie down.

Castle rised from the tiny plastic hospital chair to hove above her, just in case she needs any help, but Kate was able to lie down on her own. Yes. That's how stubborn she was. She sighed in relief when she was finally lying in her hospital bed, which was well...not that comfortable at all. Castle now leaned over her, and for a moment too long their gazes met again. He slowly stroke a strand of hair from her face behind her ears, his fingers brushing her face, gently sliding into her hair. Then he stole a quick kiss to her forehead, still holding each other's gazes. To his surprise and relief, she didn't pull away, and...was it a hint of smile on her face?

"Thank you...for being here!" She muttered, her voice barely louder than a whisper, her hazels still locked into his blues.

"Always!" He replied immediately without heasitation, his voice soft and calm, and oh, God those beautiful sky blue eyes! She would gladly drown into them anytime. If only they could stay like this forever! She thought, but her weak body was getting tired, her eyes almost fell shut. She yawned, filling her greedy lungs with air, which only made her scars to pull even harder.

"I should go, it's getting late!" He mumbled, slowly pulling away from her view.

"No!" She pleaded, quickly grabbing his arm. She wanted to grab his hands, to lace his fingers with hers, but instead, she gripped the corner of her long sleeved t-shirt. Nevermind. It's still him.

"Stay!" Se muttered, trying to search his shiny blues with her tired hazels.

"I want you to stay!"

And so he did!

**THE END**

**A/N: Thanks for reading, reviewing, etc. Sorry if my chapters were not long enough, like I said I'm just a beginner. Writing takes so much time and I need to focus on other things as well, but hopefully I will be able to write again very soon. until next time, bye! :)**


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